| The First Shabbat in Shalom House
It is a Friday evening in September 2001. As I look around the table and see my son’s face reflecting the glow of the Shabbat candles, I realize that sometimes, dreams really do come true. My husband Barry and I are sharing our son Joel’s first Shabbat dinner in Shalom House, the Jewish group residence I created for Joel and two other young men who have developmental disabilities. Together, the young men proudly lit the candles and said the blessings over the challah and grape juice. Seated around the table, now they were talking, laughing and complimenting the brisket I made.
When Joel turned 20 years old, I knew that soon he would have two enormous transitions ahead of him: leaving school and leaving home. Despite his autism (or in some ways, because of his autism) Joel was already working part time at a public library. His desire to put things in alphabetical and numerical order, his incredible memory and his uninterrupted focus on completing a task made him the library’s most efficient circulation department clerk. His sweet nature and desire to please others made Joel the department’s favorite employee. We already knew there was a full time job waiting for Joel upon graduation from high school.
Finding a home for Joel was, however, not that simple. As the director of a Jewish agency for persons with disabilities, I was horrified by the stories I heard from other parents about the secular or Christian group homes in which their adult children lived. I heard about their sons and daughters going to church, Christian bible classes and choir practice with their housemates because the staff couldn’t leave one person behind when the other three or four residents went to church. I heard about men and women who had been raised in Jewish homes being surrounded by Christmas trees and Easter baskets, saying the “Lord’s Prayer” every day and eating bacon and pork chops. I simply could not accept that future for Joel.
My first attempt to work with the State division of developmental disabilities to bring together several compatible men and develop a Jewish group home failed after nearly two years of hard work. For the next several years, our family was involved with other serious issues. Then, in 1999, I knew that creating a Jewish residence for Joel needed to become a priority. With the support of the board of directors of the agency I direct, I investigated various residential options and other potential residents for a Jewish home. A group of lawyers on the agency board formed a subsidiary to hold the deed to the house and oversee the real estate. I spent nine months soliciting donations from members of the Jewish community, and a group of board members joined me in shopping for a home. The families worked with State case managers and others to prepare the necessary documents to meet their criteria for the State to use Title 19 funds to pay for full time staff.
And finally it all came together. We purchased a home, did the necessary repairs, used donations to purchase whatever furnishings weren’t donated and set a date for the three men to move in. Joel had often accompanied me to Shalom House in the months before he moved into the home. He helped me carry boxes of things for the kitchen, and he watched as we hung his bulletin board on the bedroom wall. Joel is a visual learner, so I made an illustrated storybook to explain the move to Joel (“When boys and girls grow up, they move into homes of their own, just like your sister Shana. Now it’s Joel’s turn to move. You will live in Shalom House with your friends Jason and Kevin.”)
So here we are, gathered around the table for their first Shabbat dinner. Jason is the gregarious one, and he tells the most amazing stories, some of which may actually be true! Kevin is more intense, eager to please others and very focused on the matters at hand. Joel is the quiet one, his limited communication skills reflecting the symptoms of autism. The house manager has joined us for dinner, and I suddenly realize that we are taking the first steps toward forming a new family in Shalom House. Living together is still so new that the three men (ages 27 to 33) are still making comments about the smallest details (“I like these kiddush cups. Do we get to keep them? Joel knows the kiddush by heart. Did you hear how good he said it? Next week, can I light the candles? I know the blessing real good!”).
Jason has known Joel for 16 years and often takes the role of big brother. I watch him asking Joel if he wants another serving of meat and, later, reminding Joel to take off his kippah. Jason, who cannot read, write or do simple math, often boasts to visitors about Joel’s prowess as a reader. All three men retrieve the mail after work, and then they gather in the kitchen as Joel reads everyone’s mail to them. Jason beams with pride in his friend’s ability.
After dinner, the men clear the table and rinse their dishes. Without any prompting, they suddenly break into song, singing two of their favorite melodies “Shabbat Shalom” and “Sim Shalom.” Jason and Kevin raise their arms and begin to dance around the room. Jason reaches out and draws Joel into their dance. I see them forming a small circle as they sing lustily (and off-key) and move about the room, laughing with pure delight.
Nothing can prevent the tears from filling my eyes as I witness my son’s first Shabbat in Shalom House. I am fully aware that I have just witnessed my dream coming true.
Written by Joel’s mother, Becca Hornstein
September 2001
The Council For Jews With Special Needs is a constituent agency of the Jewish Federation of Greater Phoenix: www.jewishphoenix.org |
