CAREGIVERS

QUIET DESPERATION

"In the middle of the night, while most of America sleeps, they are awake--wives and daughters, husbands and sons--doing things they never imagined they would have to do.

A woman in her seventies struggles out of bed to change her husband's diaper for the third time. A husband in his eighties dresses his wife who has been wandering around the house for hours, and walks her to the car--driving seems to be the only thing that will calm her down. Daughters and sons sit by the bedsides of their elderly parents and talk to them, holding their hands or gently brushing their hair. For a fortunate few, parents still know and call them by name; for all too many that recognition disappeared months or years ago.

At three or four in the morning, there's a magic time when their loved ones sleep....
Not surprisingly, as these caregivers spend their lives on call--24 hours a day, seven days a week--they invariably break down, both physically and psychologically."
(An excerpt from "Miles to Go," an article by Robert Bradford, published in Duke Medical Perspectives.)

Caregiver stress is an epidemic in this country. A survey by the National Family Caregivers Association found that 61% of caregivers experience depression; more than 50% experience sleeplessness; and more than 25% experience headaches and stomach disorders. Implications of caregiver stress include depression, increased hospitalization, and ultimately, increased mortality rates.

Caregivers often believe that they are the only one that can provide the care and support for their loved one. They neglect their own health to do it, working hours that one one can possibly endure, taking on responsibilities that so single person should have to assume.

The solution to caregiver stress is clear: give caregivers time to rest, to get away from the constant grind of taking care of their loved one. The solution may be clear...but making it a reality is not easy since many caregivers are resistant to help. They may have a distrust of formal agencies; there may be an unwillingness to pay for services until they are at their breaking point; there is a strong sense of denial about the need for help.

The National Alzheimer's Association offers 10 signs of caregiver stress:

1.  Denial about the disease and its effect on the person who has been diagnosed.
   "I know Mom's going to get better."
    
2. Anger at the person with Alzheimer's; anger that people don't understand; anger about treatment options.
   "If he asks me that one more time I'll just scream!"
    
3. Social withdrawal from friends and activities that once brought pleasure.
   "I don't care about getting together with friends or neighbors anymore."
    
4. Anxiety about facing another day and what the future holds.
   "What happens when he needs more care than I can provide? What happens when our savings run out?"
    
5.  Depression begins to break your spirit and affects your ability to cope.
   "I don't care anymore."
    
6. Exhaustion makes it nearly impossible to complete necessary daily tasks.
   "I'm just too tired to do anything."
    
7.  Sleeplessness caused by a never-ending list of concerns.
   "What if she wanders out of the house or falls and hurts herself?"
    
8. Irritability leads to moodiness and triggers negative responses and reactions.
   "Leave me alone!"
    
9. Lack of concentration makes it difficult to perform familiar tasks.
   "I was so busy, I forgot we had an appointment."
    
10. Health problems begin to take their toll, both mentally and physically.
    "I can't remember the last time I felt good."

Other physical signs of caregiver stress include back or neck pain, headaches, constipation or diarrhea, heartburn, weight fluctuation, hair loss, high blood pressure, chest pain, hives, eczema or other skin disorders, blurred vision, loss of appetite, sexual dysfunction, and a weakened immune system that leads to more colds, flu and infections.

Other emotional signs of caregiver stress include anxiety, depression, feeling out of control, increased substance abuse, memory problems, lack of concentration, feelings of isolation, road rage and anger, and general dissatisfaction.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

The first step in dealing with caregiver stress is to recognize the signs. Then enlist support and get appropriate medical help. Healthcare professionals can help evaluate your situation. Realize that you are not alone. Educate yourself about the disease; research your options; and enlist help.

Remember that it is not selfish to focus on your needs. You are only human and you are doing the best you can...so give yourself credit...and give yourself a break. Being a devoted caregiver is something to be proud of. Your loved one's needs are taken care of. Understand that taking care of your own needs should not make you feel guilty. Taking care of yourself will make you a better caregiver who is healthier, less stressed and less exhausted.

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